· Popeye Uncensored ·
How perfectly goddamned delightful it all is, to be sure.
I am Alastor
Morior Invictus — Invictus Maneo
Vi veri vniversum vivus vici. — V.V.V.V.V.
Et lux in tenebris luceret et tenebrae eam non conprehenderunt.
Dolor hic tibi proderit olim...
I have had such revenges on you ALL,
That all the world did see...
The things I brought unto you;
What they were, yet I knew not –
'til they came hideous nigh —
The terrors of the earth.
A prison of your own sins.
And you did weep.
Popeye Theophilus Barrnumb
That pretty much says it all.
Don't you think? What more is there to say?
A most excellent biography shall consume this section of textual wonderment.
Flowery wordage shall exuberantly sing My praises to the masses.
Paragraph upon paragraph will flow like musical melody.
And the Truth shall set us free.
Count on it.
If you have the intestinal fortitude, courage, bravery, wisdom, and internal beauty of a Warrior Priest(ess), you may
via the e-mails.
All of My coulrophobic
little bwitches need to stop here and go no further.
Don't say I didn't warn you. Don't make Me turn this website around.
Keep it up and I'll give you something to cry about.
And, Oh, how sorrowfully you shall weep, sob slobs that you are.
Your smileage may vary.
There are those who have referred to Me as an
— and they would BE correct in that designation.
The Evil Clown Generator
Don't say I never gave ya nothin'.
There are those who say
I am a Guardian Angel.
They are mistaken.
I am an Avenging Angel.
Gee. Suddenly, "It all makes sense."
Behold! All Souls Are Mine!
Veni, Vidi, Spurius brutus detruncare!
I came, I saw, I tore the thick bastards limb from limb.
Popeye Theophilus Barrnumb
...and thus the whirligig of time brings in His revenges...
— Duodecimi Nox – a.V.s.I.
Carpe Noctem! Oh, Solo Me! Quod Erat Demonstrandum!
Requiescant in Pace! C'est la vie d'guerre!
We are, none of us, alone.
Even as we exhale, it is inhaled by others.
The light that shines upon Me, shines upon My neighbor as well.
In this way, everything is connected to everything else.
In this way, I am connected to My friend, even as I am connected to My
In this way, there is no difference BEtween Me and My friend.
In this way, there is no difference BEtween Me and My
We are, none of us, alone.
I am always here – BEside you – BEhind you – always near.
Never forget that your
enemy does not see himself as evil in his own eyes.
This may allow you to make him your friend.
If not, you can kill him quickly — and without hesitation.
No one is smarter than, faster than, or more powerful than
a quarter ounce of lead traveling at speed
toward its intended target with precision. — Willem Sullun DaFoe
I know indeed what Good I intend to Doo,
but stronger than all My afterthoughts is My Fury –
Fury that brings upon Mortals the greatest Good. — Popeye "YerRIPideas" Barrnumb
For we Pay a Price for Everything we Get or Take in this World;
and although Ambitions are well worth having,
they are not to BE cheaply Won — Lucille Maud Montgomery
They chose to Persecute the 'innocent' — so I gave them Blood to drink....
they Choked on it. — P.T. Barrnumb
I shall Walk the Earth — and My Hunger shall know No Bounds. — Yew Noe Hoo
The Path of the
is BEset on all sides by the
Iniquities of the
and the Tyranny and
'evil' men and women —
those who attempt to Glory in the
Goodness, of Others.
am I, who in the Name of
Shepherd the Weak through the Valley of Darkness, for
My Brother's Keeper, and the Finder of
And I will
upon thee with
Great Vengeance and
who would attempt to Poison and
My Brothers and Sisters.
I will take
Fierce Revenge on
They shall Know
by My Mercy,
by My Deeds,
by My Words,
and you will know
My name is
Popeye Theophilus Barrnumb,
The God of Skinny Punks,
As it is written, so shall it BE doone.
So say We all.
The issue is clear. It is BEtween
and everyone must choose his side.
— G. K. Chesterton
The Lord, thy God, hast given Me the Power
to strike down
if needs BE.... unto dust.
And so I have.
— Little Ol' Me, Myself, and I
For whatsoever a man or woman Soweth,
that Shall they also Reap.
I brought you into this World,
and I can take you out.
You could go at any time.
Count on it.
— The God of Skinny Punks
The only monsters in this world
are those who pass for human,
who cast shadows, and are reflected in mirrors,
who smile, and speak of compassion, and empathy,
and shed convincing tears,
in the inevitably in vain attempt to convince some
that it is they who are good and decent.
Here is why they, and men and women like them,
must not BE allowed to achieve their ends.
The World is not theirs.
They could claim it only with the use of lies, bullying,
intimidation, harassment, cowardly threats, and violence —
violence in all of its forms – physical, mental, and emotional.
If We let them win, there would BE no moments of Peace,
Tranquility, or Serenity.... or simplicious Joy,
For most of My life, I had a Covenant with Death,
to spare others, as I have often BEen spared,
to BE a Man of Peace.
Such a Covenant ceases to BE Noble,
and in fact would BEcome a shameful thing,
if it requires that I not defend My Life,
or the lives and well-BEing of the Innocent.
There are also the principles of the many things.
And then the Fun BEgan....
Popeye of Life
Popeye of Death
Popeye of ALL
You take our Breath
Popeye of all our Tomorrows
Give us a World without Sorrows
Love is the Illusion of the Delusion, say Fools
Wisdom is the Power that Rules
Popeye bring us all together
Change this World Now,
— The Mighty
We feel Free when We escape – even if it BE
but from the frying pan to the Fire.
"…The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of other things –
Of shoes and ships and sealing wax,
Of cabbages and Kings;
And why the sea is boiling hot —
And whether pigs have wings…"
We have lived in Interesting Times,
and We have found what We were looking for.
So long… and thanks for all the Phish!
— Popeye, Inc. – April 1, 2010
I had a lover's quarrel with Myself....
Irreconcilable differences are a motherFvcker.
But, then, We kissed, and made up....
A good time was had by All.
BE all that you can BE!
Mad Dame Sorceress, infamous clairvoyante,
sad, Bad, and old, nevertheless
Known to BE the wisest witchy woman in Europa,
With a Wicked Rack, and deck o' cards.
Here, said She,
Is your card,
the reknowned Popeye the Saler,
(Those are Pearls of Wisdom that are His eyes. Look!)
Here is Atropa Belladonna, the Lady of Hard Knocks,
The Lady of Situational Ethics.
Here is The Man, with Three Knaves, and here the Wheel of Luck,
And here is the One-Eyed Merchant of Death,
The Trader, A Jack of All Trades, The Death Dealer,
The Profiteer and The Propheteer,
and this card,
Which is Blank, is something He carries on his back,
Which you are forbidden to see. We do not find
The Hanged Man. Fear Death, by air, Earth, fire, & water, and by other Means.
We see crowds of people, walking round and round in a Circus ring.
Thank Me. If you see dear Ms. Equitable,
Tell Her We bring the horrorscope thyself:
One must BE so careful these days.
Must one not.
I have conquered, and you yield.
Yes, henceforward art thou ever dead —
dead to the World, to Heaven and to Hope!
By Me didst thou exist —
and, in thy death, see by this image,
which is thine own,
how utterly thou hast murdered thyself.
— William, William's Son
– via Popeye Theophilus Barrnumb
(with apologies to Edgar Allan Poe)
(or... A Note To Self)
Go Placidly amid the Noise and the Waste,
and Remember what Peace there may BE in Silence.
(knowing most people the way they are, it probably will not last long)
As far as possible, Never Give Up, Never Surrender,
and BE on Good terms with all Good persons.
(the rest can rot in Hell, worthless, useless sumbitches that they are)
Speak the Truth — Quietly, Clearly, and Forcefully;
and Whisper to the others, even the Dull and the Ignorant,
though they are Legion, when Thee hast the time;
they have their story, however lowly, moronic
and usually-useless it may BE.
Avoid loud, aggressive, and assinine persons,
for they are Truly vexations to the Spiritus.
Compare Thyself with others, often,
as they BEcome vain and bitter;
for always Thee will BE greater and superior,
and they lesser persons than Thyself.
(in most ways important)
Judge and BE judged – So it is written, so shall it BE doone.
Enjoy Thy achievements, as well as Thy plans,
and count Thy never-ending Wins as Coup.
Keep interested in Thine own highly-successful career;
however, BE humble, no matter how hard that may BE;
it is a Reality of Possession in the changing Fortunes of Time Travel.
Exercise caution in Thy bidness affairs;
for the world is full of Trickery and treachery.
(and treacherous trickery; that not like Thine own pure intent)
But let any and all of 'this' not blind Thee to what Virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals, not unlike Thyself;
and everywhere Life is full of Heroism,
especially where Thee Walk the Walk
as Inspiration and Role Model for All.
Paragon Archetypal Exemplarus.
BE Thyself. To Thine Own Self BE True.
Especially, do not feign affection or effection, or undue humility.
Neither BE cynical about Self-Love;
for in the face of all aridity and eruditity
and disenchantment and disinveiglement
it is as perennial as the green, green grass of homage.
(as are Thee)
Take kindly Thy counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of aeternal youth.
Nurture Strength of Spiritus to shield Thee
in sudden misfortune that never manifests.
Do not distress Thyself with dark imaginings.
(but incur Thy Wrath on those that deserveth such caliginosity)
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness,
though Thy constitution is über-energetic and super-companionated.
BEyond Thy wholesome discipline, BE gentle with Thyself.
(with latitudinality for apotheosis sexualis)
Thee are The Child of the Universe,
no less than the trees and the stars, and all else;
thee have a righteous Right to BE here,
superior to and among all others.
And as it is diamantine clarity to Thee,
there is no doubt the Universe is unfolding as it should.
Count on it.
Therefore BE at Peace with The God of Skinny Punks,
whatever and however Thee conceiveth Him to BE,
and whatever Thy Herculean labors and mighty aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of Life keep Peace with
Thy Amaranthine Soul.
With all its sham (and shame),
drudgery and skullduggery,
and broken dreams (and Night Terrors for those deserving of such),
it is still a Beautiful World, mostly due to Thee. (and Thy ilk)
BE cheerful, as always Thee are.
Strive to BE Happy and Joyous and Blest with Bliss,
as always Thee shall BE: The Thrice-Blest Man.
That is, BE All that Thee can BE.
And then Perform the Danse of Joy!
Boldness has Genius, Power and Magic in it.
...and Mighty Forces shall come to Thy aid.
— The King, and I, as We Goethe down the primrose-colored glassenine path...
On Heroic Battle
In the Internet Age
I am impelled,
not to squeak like a grateful and apologetic mouse,
but to Roar like a Lion
out of pride in My profession
and in the great and good men and women
who have practiced it throughout the ages.
— Popeye Theophilus Barrnumb, Esq.
The Snow Man
One must have a Mind of Winter
To regard the Frost and the boughs
Of the pine-trees crusted with Snow;
And have been Cold a long Time
To BEhold the junipers shagged with Ice,
The spruces Rough in the distant Glitter
Of the january Sun; and not to Think
Of any Misery in the Sound of the Wind,
In the Sound of a few leaves,
Which is the Sound of the Land
Full of the same Wind
That is blowing in the same Bare Place
For the Listener, who Listens in the Snow,
And, nothing HimSelf, BEholds
Nothing that is Not There and the Nothing That Is.
I talk with beauty, through the night
Among rowdy rhymes and scarey sighs;
I am all that's best of dark and bright
Trust My aspect and My eyes:
Thus mellow'd to that rendered Right
Which heaven-sent this day relies.
One day the more, one day the less,
Had half-impair'd My nameless chase
With raves My very craven chess,
It softly lightens o'er My face;
Where thoughts serenely sweet express
How pure, how near, My dwelling-place.
The other cheek, and o'er our row,
Me, Softly, calmly, so eloquent,
My smile that wins, My hints that grow,
All the days in goodness spent,
My mind at peace, with all below,
My art, above, few innocent!
I am a self-styled Penny Dreadful.
A Spectre Clad Most Perfectly.
Sinister in my dexterity.
Spring-Heeled Popeye, to BE sure.
A Legend, True, in My own Mind, among so many others.
I am Me, Myself, and I.
A Triumvirate of Fleshly Delights.
The Thrice-Blest Man.
An UnHoly Trinity of Phantasmagorical Pleasures & Play-Things.
Kneel and Pray to The One True God.
Pleasure Me, My pretty.
As you were.
We thank you again for your support.
I AM The Lord Thy God of Skinny Punks.
So say We all.
The Psalm of Popeye
O Popeye, who we Praise,
Do not BE Silent!
they have opened
their wicked and deceitful mouths
They have spoken against us with a
They have also surrounded us with words
And fought against us without just cause.
In return for our innocence
they act as
But we are in prayerful, awe-inspired Spiritus.
they have repaid us eVile for good
And hatred for our innocent natures.
Appoint a Wicked Man over
And let an accuser stand at
their right hand.
( Hey, Wolverine! )
they are Judged, let
them come forth guilty,
their begging prayers BEcome
the Sins that
their days BE few;
Let another take
their unrightful place.
their sprogs BE fatherless and
their sister-wives a widow,
their husbandry bereft.
their sprogs wander about and beg;
them seek sustenance far from
their ruined homes.
Let the creditor Seize all that
have (which is little enough as it is),
And let strangers Plunder the product of
their paltry labors without recompense.
Let there BE none to extend LovingKindness to
Nor any to BE gracious to
their posterity BE cut off;
In a following generation let
name BE blotted out, if not sooner.
Let the Iniquity of
their fathers and
mothers BE remembered BEfore Popeye,
And do not let the Sins of
their parents BE blotted out.
them BE BEfore
That He may cut off
their memory from
they did not remember to show
But persecuted the afflicted and needy to a man, woman and child,
And the despondent in heart, to put them to failed, metaphorical death.
They also loved and lusted in cursing,
so it came back to them;
they did not delight in Blessing,
so it was far from them.
themselves with cursing and derisive
laughter as with their garment,
And it entered into
their body like
And like Crude Oil into
Let it BE to
them as a garment with
which they cover
And for a belt with which
gird their fat, unhealthy
Let this BE the reward of our
And of those who speak eVile against our Spiritus.
But You, O Popeye, our
Popeye, deal kindly with us for our sake;
BEcause Your LovingKindness is good, Deliver us from eVile;
For we are afflicted and needy,
And our hearts are wounded within us.
We are passing like a Shadow when it lengthens;
We are shaken off like the low cussed.
Our knees are weak from fasting,
And our Flesh and Spiritus have grown lean, without fatness.
We also have BEcome a Reproach to
they see us,
they wag their head in
their many Sorrows.
Help us, O Popeye, our
Save us according to Your LovingKindness.
them Know that this is Your Hand;
You, Popeye, have Done it!
them curse, but You Bless –
The Thrice-Blest Man;
they shall BE Ashamed,
But Your servants shall BE Glad.
accusers BE clothed with Dishonor,
their own Shame as with a robe.
With our mouths we shall give Thanks abundantly to
And in the midst of many we will Praise Him.
For He stands at the right hand of the seedy needy,
To Save them from
those who judge their