Popeye Theophilus Barrnumb

That pretty much says it all.

Don't you think? What more is there to say?
 
A most excellent biography shall consume this section of textual wonderment. Flowery wordage shall exuberantly sing My praises to the masses. Paragraph upon paragraph will flow like musical melody.
 
And the Truth shall set us free.
 
Count on it.

 
All of My coulrophobic little bwitches need to stop here and go no further. Don't say I didn't warn you. Don't make Me turn this website around. Keep it up and I'll give you something to cry about. Your mileage may vary. What-ev-ar.

 
There are those who have referred to Me as an eVile Klown — and they would BE correct in that designation.
 

The Evil Clown Generator

Don't say I never gave ya nothin'.

Okay, okay.

There are those who say
I am a Guardian Angel.

They are mistaken.

I am an Avenging Angel.

Gee. Suddenly, "It all makes sense."

Veni, Vidi, Spurius brutus detruncare!
 
    I came, I saw, I tore the thick bastards limb from limb.
 
          — Popeye Theophilus Barrnumb

...and thus the whirligig of time brings in His revenges...
 
    — Duodecimi Nox – a.V.s.I.
 
Carpe Noctem!   Oh, Solo Me!   Quod Erat Demonstrandum! Requiescant in Pace!   C'est la vie d'guerre!

We are, none of us, alone.
Even as we exhale, it is inhaled by others.
The light that shines upon Me, shines upon My neighbor as well.
In this way, everything is connected to everything else.
In this way, I am connected to My friend, even as I am connected to My enemy.
In this way, there is no difference BEtween Me and My friend.
In this way, there is no difference BEtween Me and My enemy.
We are, none of us, alone.
 
I am always here – BEside you – BEhind you – always near.
 
Always.

Never forget that your enemy does not see himself as evil in his own eyes.
This may allow you to make him your friend.
If not, you can kill him quickly — and without hesitation.

I know indeed what Good I intend to Doo,
but stronger than all My afterthoughts is My Fury –
Fury that brings upon Mortals the greatest Good. — Popeye "YerRIPideas" Barrnumb

For we Pay a Price for Everything we Get or Take in this World;
and although Ambitions are well worth having,
they are not to BE cheaply Won — Lucille Maud Montgomery

They chose to Persecute the 'innocent' — so I gave them Blood to drink....
and they Choked on it. — P.T. Barrnumb

I shall Walk the Earth — and My Hunger shall know No Bounds. — Yew Noe Hoo

The Path of the Righteous Man is BEset on all sides by the Iniquities of the Selfish and Petty, and the Tyranny and Bullying by 'evil' men and women — those who attempt to Glory in the Misfortune, and Denigrate the Goodness, of Others.   Blessed BE, am I, who in the Name of Charity and Good Will, Shepherd the Weak through the Valley of Darkness, for I am, in Truth, My Brother's Keeper, and the Finder of My Lost Children.   And I will Strike Down upon thee with Great Vengeance and Furious Anger those who would attempt to Poison and Destroy My Brothers and Sisters.   I will take Fierce Revenge on them and Punish them with My Wrath and Fury.   They shall Know Me, by My Mercy, by My Deeds, by My Words, and you will know My name is Popeye Theophilus Barrnumb when I lay My Vengeance upon thee.  
As it is written, so shall it BE doone.   So say We all.

The issue is clear. It is BEtween light and darkness,
    and everyone must choose his side. — G. K. Chesterton

The Lord, thy God, hast given Me the Power
          to strike down Serpents....
    if needs BE.... unto dust.
And so I have. — Little Ol' Me, Myself, and I

For whatsoever a man or woman Soweth,
that Shall they also Reap.
I brought you into this World,
and I can take you out.
You could go at any time.
Count on it.
           — The God of Skinny Punks

The only monsters in this world
are those who pass for human,
who cast shadows, and are reflected in mirrors,
who smile, and speak of compassion, and empathy,
and shed convincing tears,
in the inevitably in vain attempt to convince some
that it is they who are good and decent.
 
Here is why they, and men and women like them,
must not BE allowed to achieve their ends.
 
The World is not theirs.
 
They could claim it only with the use of lies, bullying,
intimidation, harassment, cowardly threats, and violence —
violence in all of its forms – physical, mental, and emotional.
 
If We let them win, there would BE no moments of Peace,
Tranquility, or Serenity.... or simplicious Joy,
ever again.
 
For most of My life, I had a Covenant with Death,
to spare others, as I have often BEen spared,
to BE a Man of Peace.
 
Such a Covenant ceases to BE Noble,
and in fact would BEcome a shameful thing,
if it requires that I not defend My Life,
or the lives and well-BEing of the Innocent.
There are also the principles of the many things.
 
And then the Fun BEgan....
                                       — Wolverine!

Popeye of Life
Popeye of Death
Popeye of ALL
You take our Breath
 
Popeye of all our Tomorrows
Give us a World without Sorrows
 
Love is the Illusion of the Delusion, say Fools
Wisdom is the Power that Rules
 
Popeye bring us all together
Change this World Now,
      and Forever....
                                 — The Mighty Quinn

We feel Free when We escape – even if it BE
but from the frying pan to the Fire.
 
"…The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of other things –
Of shoes and ships and sealing wax,
Of cabbages and Kings;
And why the sea is boiling hot —
And whether pigs have wings…"
 
We have lived in Interesting Times,
and We have found what We were looking for.
 
So long… and thanks for all the Phish!
                                                       — Popeye, Inc. – April 1, 2010

I had a lover's quarrel with Myself....
Irreconcilable differences are a motherFvcker.
But, then, We kissed, and made up....
A good time was had by All.
BE all that you can BE!

Mad Dame Sorceress, infamous clairvoyante,
sad, Bad, and old, nevertheless
Known to BE the wisest witchy woman in Europa,
With a Wicked Rack, and deck o' cards.
Here, said She,
Is your card,
the reknowned Popeye the Saler,
(Those are Pearls of Wisdom that are His eyes. Look!)
Here is Atropa Belladonna, the Lady of Hard Knocks,
The Lady of Situational Ethics.
Here is The Man, with Three Knaves, and here the Wheel of Luck,
And here is the One-Eyed Merchant of Death,
The Trader, A Jack of All Trades, The Death Dealer,
The Profiteer and The Propheteer,
and this card,
Which is Blank, is something He carries on his back,
Which you are forbidden to see. We do not find
The Hanged Man. Fear Death, by air, Earth, fire, & water, and by other Means.
We see crowds of people, walking round and round in a Circus ring.
Thank Me. If you see dear Ms. Equitable,
Tell Her We bring the horrorscope thyself:
One must BE so careful these days.
Must one not.

I have conquered, and you yield.
Yes, henceforward art thou ever dead —
dead to the World, to Heaven and to Hope!
By Me didst thou exist —
and, in thy death, see by this image,
which is thine own,
how utterly thou hast murdered thyself.
                            — William, William's Son
                                 – via Popeye Theophilus Barrnumb
                                       (with apologies to Edgar Allan Poe)

Popeyederata

    (or... A Note To Self)
 
Go Placidly amid the Noise and the Waste,
and Remember what Peace there may BE in Silence.
 
(knowing most people the way they are, it probably will not last long)
 
As far as possible, Never Surrender,
and BE on Good terms with all Good persons.
(the rest can rot in Hell, worthless, useless sumbitches that they are)
 
Speak the Truth — Quietly, Clearly, and Forcefully;
and Whisper to the others, even the Dull and the Ignorant,
though they are Legion, when Thee hast the time;
they have their story, however lowly, moronic
and usually-useless it may BE.
 
Avoid loud, aggressive, and assinine persons,
for they are Truly vexations to the Spiritus.
 
Compare Thyself with others, often,
as they BEcome vain and bitter;
for always Thee will BE greater and superior,
and they lesser persons than Thyself.
(in most ways important)
 
Judge and BE judged – So it is written, so shall it BE doone.
 
Enjoy Thy achievements, as well as Thy plans,
and count Thy never-ending Wins as Coup.
 
Keep interested in Thine own highly-successful career;
however, BE humble, no matter how hard that may BE;
it is a Reality of Possession in the changing Fortunes of Time.
 
Exercise caution in Thy bidness affairs;
for the world is full of Trickery and treachery.
(and treacherous trickery; that not like Thine own pure intent)
 
But let any and all of 'this' not blind Thee to what Virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals, not unlike Thyself;
and everywhere Life is full of Heroism,
especially where Thee Walk the Walk
as Inspiration and Role Model for All.
Paragon Archetypal Exemplarus.
 
BE Thyself. To Thine Own Self BE True.
 
Especially, do not feign affection or effection, or undue humility.
 
Neither BE cynical about Self-Love;
for in the face of all aridity and eruditity
and disenchantment and disinveiglement
it is as perennial as the green, green grass of homage.
(as are Thee)
 
Take kindly Thy counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of aeternal youth.
 
Nurture Strength of Spiritus to shield Thee
in sudden misfortune that never manifests.
 
Do not distress Thyself with dark imaginings.
(but incur Thy Wrath on those that deserveth such caliginosity)
 
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness,
though Thy constitution is über-energetic and super-companionated.
 
BEyond Thy wholesome discipline, BE gentle with Thyself.
(with latitudinality for apotheosis sexualis)
 
Thee are The Child of the Universe,
no less than the trees and the stars, and all else;
thee have a righteous Right to BE here,
superior to and among all others.
 
And as it is diamantine clarity to Thee,
there is no doubt the Universe is unfolding as it should.
 
Count on it.
 
Therefore BE at Peace with The God of Skinny Punks,
whatever and however Thee conceiveth Him to BE,
and whatever Thy Herculean labors and mighty aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of Life keep Peace with
Thy Amaranthine Soul.
 
With all its sham (and shame),
drudgery and skullduggery,
and broken dreams (and Night Terrors for those deserving of such),
it is still a Beautiful World, mostly due to Thee.
 
BE cheerful, as always Thee are.
 
Strive to BE Happy and Joyous and Blest with Bliss,
as always Thee shall BE.
 
That is, BE All that Thee can BE.
 
And then Perform the Danse of Joy!  
 
Q.E.D.

Boldness has Genius, Power and Magic in it.
BE Bold!
   ...and Mighty Forces shall come to Thy aid.
 
                — The King, and I, as We Goethe down the primrose-colored glassenine path...

On Heroic Battle
   In the Internet Age
 
I am impelled,
not to squeak like a grateful and apologetic mouse,
but to Roar like a Lion
out of pride in My profession
and in the great and good men and women
who have practiced it throughout the ages.
 
                — Popeye Theophilus Barrnumb, Esq.

The Snow Man
 ~Wallace Stevens
 
One must have a Mind of Winter
To regard the Frost and the boughs
Of the pine-trees crusted with Snow;
 
And have been Cold a long Time
To BEhold the junipers shagged with Ice,
The spruces Rough in the distant Glitter
 
Of the january Sun; and not to Think
Of any Misery in the Sound of the Wind,
In the Sound of a few leaves,
 
Which is the Sound of the Land
Full of the same Wind
That is blowing in the same Bare Place
 
For the Listener, who Listens in the Snow,
And, nothing HimSelf, BEholds
Nothing that is Not There and the Nothing That Is.

I talk with beauty, through the night
Among rowdy rhymes and scarey sighs;
I am all that's best of dark and bright
Trust My aspect and My eyes:
Thus mellow'd to that rendered Right
Which heaven-sent this day relies.
 
One day the more, one day the less,
Had half-impair'd My nameless chase
With raves My very craven chess,
It softly lightens o'er My face;
Where thoughts serenely sweet express
How pure, how near, My dwelling-place.
 
The other cheek, and o'er our row,
Me, Softly, calmly, so eloquent,
My smile that wins, My hints that grow,
All the days in goodness spent,
My mind at peace, with all below,
My art, above, few innocent!

I am a self-styled Penny Dreadful.
A Spectre Clad Most Perfectly.
Spring-Heeled Popeye, to BE sure.
A Legend, True, in My own Mind, among so many others.
 
I am Me, Myself, and I.
A Triumvirate of Fleshly Delights.
The Thrice-Blest Man.
An UnHoly Trinity of Phantasmagorical Pleasures & Play-Things.
Imaginarium Spectacularum.
 
Kneel and Pray to The One True God.
Pleasure Me, My pretty.
As you were.
We thank you again for your support.
 
I AM The Lord Thy God of Skinny Punks.
 
So say We all.